Life, I’ve learned, is never fair. If people teach anything in school, that should be it.
Landon Carter, A Walk To Remember by Nicholas Sparks
I remember well my Spanish teacher in high school. He would end each and every class, “adios… and remember, ninos, life es no fair.”
I also remember thinking, “well shit, what a downer of a dude.”
And today I think, “well shit, what a wise downer of a dude.”
No, life isn’t fair. I don’t think it was created to be fair. It was created to be experienced. And unfairness is part of the whole big fat story.
So, given this, what do we do with all those deep and messy feelings that get stirred up when we have been wronged. When life has shown itself to be as unfair as my Spanish teacher promised, what the hell do we do with all those feels? Because they will be erupt, they will be intense, and they will not relent…
First, let’s realize that it is understandable to feel pained when life has been unfair, when situations have happened that have left us holding onto the short end of the stick. Yes, it’s going to happen to all of us.
All. Of. Us.
Not one person gets out of here alive. We all experience pain. Unfairness. The ache of rejection, abandonment, of being misunderstood, ignored, thrown under the bus… yes, unfair happens. To us all.
And the understandable reaction is to feel like we’ve been wronged, that life is unfair, or that someone has gotten away with hurting us. Of course we’re going to hurt.
So… hurt.
DO:
- Allow yourself to feel your feelings down into your body where they reside.
- Talk about it with a trusted friend who’s going to encourage, hold space, see through the eyes of love.
- Be compassionate towards yourself. NOTHING IN YOU WANTS TO BE REJECTED, not even the pain. Show love. Self-care big time.
- Create a powerful narrative in which you are victorious, triumphant, loving, loved, and riding the wave of this human experience with grace. And forgiveness.
- Focus on what’s good in your life.
DON’T:
- Rehash rebuttals.
- Wish harm on others.
- Post to social media.
- Ignore your pain.
This, my dear, is the greatest challenge to being alive: To witness the injustice of this world and not allow it to consume our light.
And so, remembering my Spanish teacher, that wise ol’ downer dude, I also remember this:
- I refuse to play the victim.
- I will not be ruled my fear, pessimism, or negativity.
- I will not quit being curious about where I feel my feelings in my body, about being compassionate to that aching part of me that longs for love, and about being courageous to create a narrative in which I am empowered not in spite of but because of my experiences in this life.
Yes, there is unfairness, and it would appear that some people are getting away with hurting you and hurting me and hurting us… but the story continues, life is long… there is a ton of overcoming happening in our world. (And by overcoming, I mean: loving, forgiving, seeing clearly, holding space, praying, thanking.)
This is what I choose to focus on. The incredible souls who overcome major and minor obstacles and stay standing, soft, pliable, humorous, kind.
This is what I choose to remember. That life is perhaps in fact full of unfairness but it is also full of the overcoming of it. And we are all the better for it. Stronger, kinder, humbler, quieter, wiser.
Two roads. Your move.
If today life feels unfair to you and it sure feels like some people are “getting away with it,” please know that I walk beside you, holding space and seeing you. You will not stay here, in this space of pain, forever. Courage looks so good on you… and here’s a hug.
Edge-y, joyful, pondering…
Lisa
Licensed Sound Therapist
Certified Mind-Body Coach
If you like these ponderings, please check out my 30-day journals. They’re just perfect for someone like you. 🙂 Downloadable pdfs on a variety of topics. Sure to encourage, inspire, motivate, and create meaningful ponderings. ❤
PS here is a YouTube video I created recently about “unfairness” and there’s a practical application I teach that you may find helpful. Enjoy.
Writing Every Day Down 