You will say and do and dream and err and triumph over and over again between now and then… enjoy every moment of it.
58 year old me to Young Me
Met with a friend today. You know you’re getting on in years when you can say, “I’ve known her for almost 30 years.” Yeah, that kinda friend. A forever and always friend. A friend who will drive an hour or so just for a quick hug and a short conversation.
A friend who laughs and cries with you, shares her victories and sorrows, gives and receives Truth (even when it stings), prays for you, shares photos of her latest cruise, rolls her eyes with you at Husband’s latest antics, and who already misses you before you’ve even hugged good-bye… is the best gift ever.
This is a soul with whom being vulnerable is safe, authenticity is a must, and healing is inevitable. We two are connected supernaturally, knit together as the Scorpios we are, deep and curious, perhaps more than a little mistrusting and cynical… with willing hearts to surrender bitterness, release victim narrative, and remember that we are loved, loveable, worthy, and on occasion even funny.
I was an awkward youngster, grew into an awkward preteen, and developed into a people-pleasing teenager-young adult-adult. Because I couldn’t quite fit in, couldn’t find my tribe/circle/group, I doubted I was friend material… or that I would ever find a friend, let alone a group of them. My younger self struggled in doubt, insecurity, wanted to play small, keep the light on dim, hide it all under a bushel. Striving, conniving, manipulating, trying-trying-trying became all that I knew. Perfectionism. Setting that bar so high… and then beating myself with it, whether I achieved its heights or not.
LongTimeFriend and I pondered this similar coping strategy turned personality that we’ve adopted to endure the day, then the next. Serious-minded, logical, burdened… but also judgmental, hard on ourselves and others, often disappointed.
It’s a damn lot, this life. With its messiness and relationships. Oh, the obstacles, the difficult times… the opportunities for growth, maturation, evolution, healing.
If I could return to YoungMe and share one thing with her, I might whisper, “you are going to experience sooooo much in this incarnation: grief, anger, depression, joy unspeakable, laughter, excitement… you will fuck things up big time and create masterpieces too… you will want to hang it up one day and soar the next; you will regret, feel ashamed, guilty and then understand it’s all good, just big feels and bigger healing; you will scream and yell and sing and shout; you will write poetry and cuss like a sailor; you will welcome friends and enemies alike, and find that none were enemies after all, only messengers; you will grow in wisdom, waistline, and wonder… enjoy every single second of it!”
I count it all joy. All of it.
If today you find yourself pondering, nostalgic, wistful… me too… I think this looks good on us, really I do… so here’s a hug… and to friendships.
Edge-y, joyful, pondering…
Lisa
Licensed Sound Therapist
Certified Mind-Body Coach
If you like these ponderings, please check out my 30-day journals. They’re just perfect for someone like you. 🙂 Downloadable pdfs on a variety of topics. Sure to encourage, inspire, motivate, and create meaningful ponderings. ❤
Writing Every Day Down 