We’re BECOMING more human… we’re EMERGING from caterpillar-to-mush-to-butterfly. We’re experiencing all the drama, the depths, and the desires. We’re alchemizing, transmuting, and transforming. Welcome to your life!
Daughter called in a panic last night. Snow on the highway and she skidded. It wasn’t like last year when she lost control on the 219, doing a U-ey and hitting the guard rail. Still, it was damn scary for her.
And for me. There’s something about hearing your child’s panic that causes you to sit up at full attention and take charge. Or at least, that’s the way it for me. Mama Bear mode immediately turns on and I’m on the prowl. I will protect my young at any and all costs. I don’t mean to be this way. It’s an automatic reaction. And one for which I have no apology.
My children are my heart walking around outside my body. Protective a bit? Uhm, oh heck yes.
Mom, everything is okay. Well, kinda. Sorta. I’m, I’m, I’m pulled over and really scared. I skidded and I’m so afraid to drive now.
Daughter, with labored breathing and racing mind
Why is it that my first reaction is to want to get in the car and drive there and hug her and let her know that she is safe and I will always protect her? Like, it’s visceral. Fierce like a lion. Or a mama bear. I can almost feel the growl making its way up from my guts and out my mouth.
I will stay on the line with you. We will get you home safely! I will do whatever it takes, hon. I will never leave you.
Me… and I may have even actually growled but maybe not, I don’t know, I get lost and forget in all the words and sniffles
We both want to stay in control. To be in control and stay there, goddammit. She wants to control the weather and the car; I want to control the weather and the car and her safety and her happiness and her – oh god, well, her everything.
Truth. I can’t stay to know my children – or others, each and every one – are afraid, out of sorts, disappointed, discouraged, grieving…
And yet, all of these are part of our human evolution, our Becoming, our physical experience here on Mother Earth. Even my wanting to protect is an experience! Even my cringeing at anyone’s discomfort is part of my experience!
It’s all part of it. The Becoming. Every conversation, every experience, every feeling, every memory… all part of this beautiful EMERGING.
Daughter arrived safely at her gym, chewed up a short workout – which helped her calm down into her body – and we resumed our chat-while-I-navigate-these-sucky-snowy-roads. Nestled into her apartment, she bid me good night.
It’s these little things, these small moments and tiny conversations that make up a life, that create a more evolved human – one that is “more”.
- more aware of their heart space
- more awake to their role in others’ lives
- more plugged in to this breath, this moment
- more grateful for just this breath, this moment
- more insightful
- more wise
- more peaceful, calm in the midst of the chaos
Two roads. I am meandering down the less taken. It’s making all the difference.
If today you find yourself panicky, sometimes me too. Breathe. Reach out. You’re not alone. We are not alone. And we are definitely, oh most definitely loved… and here’s a hug.
Edge-y, joyful, pondering…
Lisa
Intuitive Healer & Spiritual Guide
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Writing Every Day Down 