EnergieGal

A flower knows, when its butterfly will return,
and if the moon walks out, the sky will understand;
but now it hurts, to watch you leave so soon,
when I don’t know, if you will ever come back.

Sanober Khan

Saying “good-bye,” even if it may just be “good-bye for now” is proving hard. I’ve known her for nearly thirty years. Half of my life!

She just showed up one day, full of vim and vigor, ideas and grit… we were going to take the world one step at a time, pulling it into the next iteration of wellness. We started out as a fitness studio, graduated to a fitness gym complete with equipment and numerous weekly aerobics and strength classes. We added personal fitness training, then life coaching and deeper spiritual inner child healing work. We wrote books and pamphlets, created videos and cassette tapes.

Yes, cassette tapes. It has been awhile! 😉

Oh the plans we made, the research we did, the people we met, the risks we took, the hours and dollars we spent, the conversations we had, the reinvention after rebranding we some days dragged ourselves through. All in the name of Love. We wanted to spread the news of self-care, holistic perspective to thriving, embodiment through breathwork, journaling, and contemplation, and empowerment via guided meditations, inner child healing, and shadow work.

We accomplished most of this – some might even cheerlead that we did it all, left everything out there, modeled authenticity and vulnerability, and practiced a contemplative approach to arriving more deeply into the body.

It was not without many tears, restless and sleepless nights, spending last dimes, and facing every fear. Appearing on camera, learning the technicalities of posting and using equipment, navigating various social media platforms… honestly, this part sucked. As an introvert and an empath, showing up and staying is not my strongest muscle…

And yet, here I am. Showing up. Staying. Being me, with my good and bad days, up and down moods, insecurities and jealousies… inviting them in to share, be heard, held, loved, allowed to be, felt deeply, embraced even if not quite understood… and, inch by inch, this has led me to The Door… labeled “Awakening”… and now I’m venturing on.

EnergieGal was that long dark hallway leading to The Next. Immensely helpful, she showed up at just the right time in my life when I craved purpose, direction, immersion, and freedom. She offered me the opportunity to learn more about myself, disordered eating and the way through this experience via moderate exercise and balanced nutrition. She created space for me to be in relationship with others, learn to be a leader and teacher, guide and entrepreneur. We didn’t make any income but we sure had a fun time sweating among friends, grapevining in the deep end of conversations, giggling through the ridiculousness of life, hugging through the heartaches. It was a holy time and I find myself very, very grateful.

I love you more than songs can say, but I can’t keep running after yesterday…

John Mayer

Over the past four years, I have tried repeatedly to rebrand and reinvent, but it’s never fruited. Seed after seed, watering for hours, weeding, weeding, waiting… what worked yesterday, last year, a decade ago refused to bud today. Surrendering. Saying good-bye. This was her final lesson for me. Allowing failure. Sitting with this most precious of experiences: dying, death, grieving, choosing to go on.

This is how much she has loved me. She insisted on staying until I’d sucked the marrow from the bone, overturned every stone, pebble, and grain of sand. (Okay, that is dramatic and an exaggeration… but it is what it felt like, in all those thirty years… she was a relentless task-master!)

Two roads diverged in a wood… oh, that I could travel both! But I have chosen the path less traveled, and this has made all the difference.

R. Frost

I do not know if I’ll pass this way again, if I’ll pick up the mantle of EnergieGal and venture further down the road with her. I’m open to this, though doubtful that this is our destiny. Like a book that has been read a thousand times, earmarked and scribbled in the margins, well-worn and cherished, she is the truest friend ever… but my sense is that it’s time to allow her to find a new reader, someone else to take the reigns and march forth into the newest iteration of wellness for the collective.

She’s taught me well and I wish only the best for her on her new adventure…

At last, the wheel comes full circle.

Cassandra Clare

I knew that it was time to let her go when I dreamed that someone else found her and they ran wild together, creating more programs and making lots of money,.. and I was thrilled. Happy. At peace.

Venture on, EnergieGal!

You’ve changed me forever. And I’ll never forget you.

Kiera Cass

How about you? Is there some aspect of your life that has been a part of you for what seems like forever? Or have you ever had to say good-bye? Or how are you at showing up? Staying? Where do you feel any of this in your physical body?

Here is a short practice that you can do right now to cultivate “allowing”:

Close your eyes. Place both of your hands over your heart. Become aware of your breath. As you breathe in through your nose, feel the air move in and find its way down into your belly. If you can, hold your breath gently for a few seconds, then slowly allow the breath to leave through your nose or your mouth. What a sacred practice, this mindful breathing! The start to an empowered relationship between you and your physical body. To life! To living! To showing up! To staying! To awakening!

Edgy, joyful, pondering…

Lisa

Modern Mystic & Life Coach

If you like these contemplations,  please check out my 30-day journals. They’re just perfect for someone like you. 🙂 Downloadable PDFs on a variety of topics. Sure to encourage, inspire, motivate, and create meaningful ponderings. ❤