Stay inside today, Mama….
G-Butt, on this windy, rainy day
I am a list maker. I make lists. I make lists of my lists. Organized and precise, I can dream wilder and wider when I know that the bathroom is getting cleaned on Thursday, the laundry on Saturday, shopping on Tuesday… go ahead, Lis, dream on! It’s all getting done in due course.
I love to dream. Oh, sweet fantasy, you welcome me and I you!
me, head in the clouds with feet on the ground
All five of my BeautifulSouls children have moved out and are rocking it big time in their own lives… and I recently retired from owning a full-time business… and so the weirdest damn thing ever has been happening… there are days when I have nothing to do. No list to write. Nothing to cross off.
This has the potential to cause me great angst. Or at least long pause…
My God, I must have a list… or else!
Or else? Or else what?
me, lately… bravely, hands on hips
G-Butt AKA Gia FurButt AKA Gia has been a great teacher regarding list-making and guilt-shame-fear reaction. She lives inside this very moment, outside of time altogether… and, as such, has been unpacking to me the divine perspective that merely existing is holy, that listening to the wind and watching the rain from the big front window in the living room is a perfectly perfect and worthy way to pass the day… that being curious about the birds snagging worms and watching the clouds poof by is a beautiful devotion in and of itself… and that some days and some seasons are less busy, less preoccupied, more open, more uncharted than others… taking note of the simple things is not a waste of time after all… there’s a time for full and a time for empty, a time for joy and a time for grief, a time for knowing and a time for waiting…
(And there’s peanut butter… but she tangents….)
Breathe. Here. Now. Be led… be led by that small, quiet voice within… whose name is Love… I AM… Presence… gracious, kind, gentle… with a bigger vision of Reality and a smaller mission of purpose (slow down, experience fully, simplify!)
It’s been an uncomfortable space to find myself in, if I’m being honest. I wish I could beat my chest and shout, “This feels amaaaazing!” but, truth is, I feel out of sync with life, with the world, my friends, even my family. I look around lately and I just don’t fit in anywhere…
Today, I am.
me, with no list and no agenda… which is really freaking stretching me
I am realizing that much of my identity and feeling of importance/relevance has been in ACCOMPLISHMENT and busy-ness… and as this pares itself down to “serving as God leads,” I find myself anxious that I’m missing something or missing out on doing-creating-making…
My whole being has been in such a habit of GO, DO, GET SHIT DONE, PRODUCE… that allowing this quiet, still space may be one of my biggest challenges to date… frankly, I’m scared to death that I should be doing something or else…
Dammit, there’s that “or else” thing again…
and yet, I know that this is an illusion. I can’t miss my purpose because I am IN my purpose already. Today, my purpose may look like stillness; tomorrow, counseling. And not one is more holy than the other.
Jesus hung with the crowds and his peeps, performing feats and orating parables… and spent just as much time alone, quiet and contemplative.
There’s a time for doing and a time for being… and both are holy.
me, encouraging my own damn self and it’s complicated some days 😉
Fortunately, there’s the G-Butt… and she’s a good reminder and great company. And so in this very moment, all is well. With a list and without, I am accomplishing a full life just by existing. Being still. Peace-full. In gratitude, awe, wonder…
listening to the wind… sharing peanut butter by the spoonful… thankful.
Here is a short practice that you can do right now to cultivate intentional mind-body connection for the purpose of being still:
Set aside fifteen minutes. Find a comfortable spot to rest, to be quiet, to be uninterrupted. We will be practicing the art of contemplation. Find a word to focus on – maybe PEACE or STILLNESS or GRATITUDE – and allow that word to sit in your mind like an ice cube or a snowball… then imagine the sun shining down upon your head and melting the cube/ball and it dripping its way down into your heart where it moistens any dry, thirsty parts of you… and maybe you can realllllly be still and allow your physical body to speak to you. Where does your body sense this word finding its place within you? As you learn to EMBODY the knowledge you’re gleaning, your reality will shift. (This practice can be done with or without peanut butter.) 😉
Edgy, joyful, pondering…
Lisa
Modern Mystic & Life Coach
If you like these contemplations, please check out my 30-day journals. They’re just perfect for someone like you. 🙂 Downloadable PDFs on a variety of topics. Sure to encourage, inspire, motivate, and create meaningful ponderings. ❤
Writing Every Day Down 