Writing Every Day Down

“Absence”

Where there is deep grief, there is great love.

Daughter created a deeply moving set of paintings borne of her lost love, Esther. A longtime fur-friend, Esther was very much a part of our family.

Fourteen years. Her passing wasn’t a surprise yet we were shocked, shook to the core that she was actually gone. Still here, her energies wandering the apartment and awaiting Alisia’s return from work or the gym, but still gone.

It’s been a lot. Too much, really. Grief is a really big deal.

Grief is a great rite of passage. It is a hero’s journey of courage, of sacred battles, sorrow, love, joy, and loss.

An artist, Alisia tapped into and allowed Grief its visit, its “knock on the door and welcome me in forever.” She experienced Grief via her paintings, illustrating her chasm of loss and sadness. Losing a best friend is among the hardest experiences. It’s something we can all relate to, if not a friend then a parent or a partner, child or dream.

Grief is universal. Which doesn’t make it one bit easier to feel, to be with, to abide in. Not. One. Bit.

Through the darkness of grief, we can see the light of love which transcends death.

I think we’re entering a season in the Collective Consciousness in which we allow Grief to be honored, allowed its place at the table, its voice in the discussion. No more pressing the mute button, going into airplane mode, shoving it to the back corner of the basement.

Grief has something Divine to share with us. Perhaps It is reminding us that Love and Loss are two sides of the same coin, and that one isn’t good and the other bad; one to be saught and the other to be avoided. Both can be beautifully horrible and horribly beautiful… but surely, received, embraced, seen for the Raw Real that It is… oh, the authenticity, vulnerability, messiness of Grief.

Daughter finally found herself ready to open her heart to another fur-friend. We welcomed Hudson, weirdly wonderful into our wonderfully weird family. We’re all adjusting. He’ll never be Esther, but he will be Hudson – and this is enough. Esther remains in our hearts, and occasionally we think we glimpse her at the top of the stairs.

It’s been a lot. Some days, still too much. But this is the way it is when we risk loving. It’s a brave act indeed to spread wide open our hearts to dream and laugh and argue and entangle energies and make memories and ponder futures… risky indeed.

To all the courageous souls, daring to dream and love and lose and grieve forever, I thank you. Thank you for showing up, for being brave knowing the price of Love is Grief, and for loving anyway.

If loving is holy, grieving may be the holiest act of all.

Here is a short practice that you can do right now to cultivate intentional mind-body connection for the purpose of allowing yourself to be present with Grief:

Find a comfortable place, a most safe and secure place, a sanctuary if you can. Give yourself a half hour in which to breathe, and do nothing but BE. Be. Just be, and just breathe… whatever emotions and memories arise, hug them. Hug the you that is experiencing them. No need to analyze nor make them make sense. Grief is not logical and needs no interpretation. It wants only your full attention and loving embrace. Lean in to whatever arises, even the anger or regret. Everything that shows up is perfectly perfect. After you’ve spent time here, know that you can visit any time for the rest of your life. There’s no time limit, no deadline to get done with your grieving… Grief is too precious to rush… Peace be with you, dear Courageous Lover.

Edgy, joyful, pondering…

Lisa

Modern Mystic & Life Coach

Hey, I have a YouTube channel on which I offer guided meditations, sound baths, and various ponderings… feel free to check it out!

The Little-Big Things

Enjoy the little things for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things.

Husband saw a small corner table along the road, put out for the trash collector. Knowing me well, Husband retrieved the table.

I love free. Free stuff. Stuff that’s free. I love free stuff.

This table fits perfectly on the porch, aside the rockers. Planter on top, still room for two glasses of lemonade… or beer.

It’s a simple addition to the porch, but one which brings me joy. Every time I water the plants or sit for a sip of lemonade… or beer, this table says, “hey, thanks for saving my unwanted butt and don’t I look like a princess in the corner here?”

Yes, dear Small Corner Table, you do. You really do. Now, hand me my drink and let’s watch the birds and the squirrels…

Here is a short practice that you can do right now to cultivate intentional mind-body connection for the purpose of embodying noticing “the little things which are really big things”:

Sit quietly, apps closed, phone muted. Close your eyes and take three “cleansing” breaths. (Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, and release gently for as long as you can. Do this three times. This centers your attention and pulls your energies down into your body.) Now, open your eyes and look around you as if seeing everything for the very first time. Simple but eye-openings and heart-softening. How many “little things” can you see? Enjoy!

Edgy, joyful, pondering…

Lisa

Modern Mystic & Life Coach

If you like these contemplations, please check out my 30-day journals. They’re just perfect for someone like you. 🙂 Downloadable PDFs on a variety of topics. Sure to encourage, inspire, motivate, and create meaningful ponderings. ❤
Hey, I have a YouTube channel on which I offer guided meditations, sound baths, and various ponderings… feel free to check it out!

Friday Tune-Up!

Here’s your Friday tune, Mammy…

You can know a lot about a soul just by listening to their song list on Spotify… every Friday, FourthSon sends me a “It’s Friday!” song. Often, I’ll reciprocate.

Music produces a kind of pleasure which human nature cannot do without.

Confucious

I look forward to this exchange which I must admit feels mystifyingly intimate. To know what turns on another’s soul, what lights them up, what they would spend their precious time listening to… well, it’s a damn personal peek.

FourthSon is a strong personality. Always has been. He’s rock solid in his views and energies, such a safe space for others to be messy and wondering-wandering on their journeys. He is not easily deterred nor discouraged, ClarityAndPurpose seems to be his right hand helper… though he is a big-time napper on the weekends so maybe it’s just that he’s well rested. 😉

After silence, that which comes closest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

Aldous Huxley

FourthSon has been out on his own for years now… and I long to continue to know him better, more deeply. Days will pass without a text and I miss him in parts of my heart I didn’t even know existed! And so, with every Friday’s text, I rejoice… with each song he sends, I have been gifted a glimpse into what makes him tick. They’re more than songs to me… they’re pieces of him: his heart, his soul, his passion, his fire and zest for life itself and his vision for the possibilities of Love and Peace and Harmony in his idea of the world.

Fridays are the best, dude.

Is he aware that I inhale his every word? every text? every little sharing of his world? Probably not. He will, once he has children. Then he’ll get it… that our little Friday song ritual has been like air to me, water for this parched Mammy who misses her FiveBeautifulSouls every second of every day.

Music is the language of the spirit.

Kahlil Gibran

And so, today, it’s Cage The Elephant… a group he touts “can do no wrong.” Oh, I get this, I really do. FourthSon, birthed through me and on loan to me from God, you have been among my biggest teachers, thought-provokers, and fellow lyrics-lovers. Sweet child of mine, you can truly do no wrong in my eyes…

Today, in this very moment, I am full. Grateful.

Ear buds in, dancing shoes on… ’cause, Mammy, it’s Friday!

Here is a short practice that you can do right now to cultivate intentional mind-body connection for the purpose of experiencing JOY:

Right now, this very second, toss your ear buds in, don your dancing sneaks – or barefoot works – find a song and DANCE… dance like the whole damn world is watching and cheering you on and everyone’s life gets better and better when you swing your arms and sway your hips… and, awesomer still, send this song to a one of your kids, a parent, partner, or friend…. and peace be with you, with us all. ❤

Edgy, joyful, pondering…

Lisa

Modern Mystic & Life Coach

Hey, I have a YouTube channel on which I offer guided meditations, sound baths, and various ponderings… feel free to check it out!

If I’d Only Known…

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Robert Brault

Yesterday, I reached into the freezer for a few more leftover Christmas cookies, oh those marvelous delicious wonderful morsels!

There were none left. Not one.

Not. One. Cookie.

Had I known that last week, when I reached in and snagged a few cookies out of the bag, that these would be my last cookies of Christmas 2023, I would have savored them. I would have closed my eyes and focused on the taste of the oats, those little chocolate pieces, and oh the bits of pecan… if I’d only known!

As a contemplative sort, I have marinated in the deep end of these waters. How can I best approach my today, having experienced the disappointment of no more cookies? My heart, be still, oh an opportunity to savor the last cookie of the season missed!

Now that I know better, I’ll do better.

And so, I have found my energies calibrated even more intensely to GRATITUDE for every cookie. Every one! Each one is “the last” and wildly deserving of all my attention, savoring, and thanks.

Truly, each moment warrants such radical abandon to it… for perhaps it may be “my last” and I will have wished that I’d treated it with the dignity, attention, and interest that “a last moment” invites?!

Express gratitude for the greatness of all small things.

Richie Norton

Small things, big things… who’s to say which is which? And so, I’ll just be mindful to be demonstrative for it all. Bases covered. 😉

And next Christmas, I’m making double batches. Maybe even triple.

Here is a short practice that you can do right now to cultivate intentional mind-body connection for the purpose of cultivating an energy of APPRECIATION:

Just for this next sixty seconds, stop everything. Notice your breath. Notice your nose. Notice the hairs in your nose. Notice the flow of the air into your throat, down into your lungs, and further into your belly. Envision that air as a gold mist…. notice again your breath, inhaling the gold mist… filling your body with the gold mist… and exhaling the gold mist into your auric field and out into your world. What a miracle your life is! You are a miracle! Enjoy every moment, friend. Peace be with you.

Edgy, joyful, pondering…

Lisa

Modern Mystic & Life Coach

The Birthday Card

We don’t see the world the way it is. We see the world the way we are.

The other day, my dad turned 82. He’s been both my biggest blessing and my deepest pain. I find that this is the way things go… if we would be so brave as to look Fear right in the face, we would see Freedom.

In every fear, the seed of freedom awaits. Even fear is an aspect of God. When I ceased demonizing our relationship, dad and me, a most beautiful and unique flower began to bloom in our garden.

There were years that I resented sending a card, knowing that my heart still ached for an apology or at the very least an explanation or acknowledgement. Nod your head in my general direction, please Dad! See me, see me, see me!

But I’ve been on the journey of healing me… the events from my childhood were not “my fault” and my feelings are not bad, but the actions I take now and the healing are all mine… all mine to own, stand in, allow, breathe into and through… and transmute all that lead into gold, all that shit into fertile soil for Flower to root into… turn that caterpillar into a butterfly…

and all that transformation stuff…

I sent the card, not because he’s kind, but because I’m kind.

Lately, I understand more that life is a series of choices… and we have the opportunity to make them borne of our own energies, of actions taken rather than reactions taking over. It was a most powerful truth indeed to realize that I hold all the power to make my choices. I do not have to wait for the outside world, circumstances or people, to dictate my path. I choose. As consciously as I currently operate, I make my way.

The world squeezes us… and we get to see what we’re really made of.

To see the other as an extension of my-Self has been helpful in my choice-making. I see the flawed human being, muddling around in the dark, reacting out of pain, unresolved ache, body-held trauma… and I have deep compassion for us all.

Living from Peace – my true identity – is powerful indeed.

This being human thing ain’t for the faint of heart… it’s a lot. Really. A. Friggin’. Lot.

I am remembering to respond from Presence… this has been a journey.

I love having my Dad in my life because he has helped me gauge my compassion, how “awakened to Love” that I am. My heart has always been slayed wide open in our relationship – which is how I believe he and I planned it before we incarnated this time around – and he has been among my best reminders, awakeners, healers.

Happy birthday to you, Dad. Peace be with you, with me, with us, and with us all.

**************************************************************************************************************

Here is a short practice that you can do right now to cultivate intentional mind-body connection for the purpose of remembering the aspect of God which is you that is Peace:

Just for one minute, place both of your hands over your heart. Breathe. Feel the air come miraculously into your nostrils, through your throat, down into your belly, and back out your mouth. What a miracle breathing is! You’re a miracle! If you’re able, picture someone in your life right now who you are struggling with… in your imagination, see them as a young child, maybe two years old. See their innocence, their wonder, their playfulness, their simplicity… before life began to bruise them, batter their heart, create in them a hardness. Hold onto this image and every time you see them or think of them from now on, remember this picture… and be on the journey of awakening to Compassion, Understanding, and Patience. (Have I told you lately that you’re a miracle, an absolute shiny, sensational ray of the Divine. Thank you for being here, among us on earth at this time.)

Edgy, joyful, pondering…

Lisa

Modern Mystic & Life Coach
If you like these contemplations, please check out my 30-day journals. They’re just perfect for someone like you. 🙂 Downloadable PDFs on a variety of topics. Sure to encourage, inspire, motivate, and create meaningful ponderings. ❤

Be Still… or else!

Stay inside today, Mama….
G-Butt, on this windy, rainy day

I am a list maker. I make lists. I make lists of my lists. Organized and precise, I can dream wilder and wider when I know that the bathroom is getting cleaned on Thursday, the laundry on Saturday, shopping on Tuesday… go ahead, Lis, dream on! It’s all getting done in due course.

I love to dream. Oh, sweet fantasy, you welcome me and I you!
me, head in the clouds with feet on the ground

All five of my BeautifulSouls children have moved out and are rocking it big time in their own lives… and I recently retired from owning a full-time business… and so the weirdest damn thing ever has been happening… there are days when I have nothing to do. No list to write. Nothing to cross off.

This has the potential to cause me great angst. Or at least long pause…

My God, I must have a list… or else!

Or else? Or else what?
me, lately… bravely, hands on hips

G-Butt AKA Gia FurButt AKA Gia has been a great teacher regarding list-making and guilt-shame-fear reaction. She lives inside this very moment, outside of time altogether… and, as such, has been unpacking to me the divine perspective that merely existing is holy, that listening to the wind and watching the rain from the big front window in the living room is a perfectly perfect and worthy way to pass the day… that being curious about the birds snagging worms and watching the clouds poof by is a beautiful devotion in and of itself… and that some days and some seasons are less busy, less preoccupied, more open, more uncharted than others… taking note of the simple things is not a waste of time after all… there’s a time for full and a time for empty, a time for joy and a time for grief, a time for knowing and a time for waiting…

(And there’s peanut butter… but she tangents….)

Breathe. Here. Now. Be led… be led by that small, quiet voice within… whose name is Love… I AM… Presence… gracious, kind, gentle… with a bigger vision of Reality and a smaller mission of purpose (slow down, experience fully, simplify!)

It’s been an uncomfortable space to find myself in, if I’m being honest. I wish I could beat my chest and shout, “This feels amaaaazing!” but, truth is, I feel out of sync with life, with the world, my friends, even my family. I look around lately and I just don’t fit in anywhere…

Today, I am.
me, with no list and no agenda… which is really freaking stretching me

I am realizing that much of my identity and feeling of importance/relevance has been in ACCOMPLISHMENT and busy-ness… and as this pares itself down to “serving as God leads,” I find myself anxious that I’m missing something or missing out on doing-creating-making…

My whole being has been in such a habit of GO, DO, GET SHIT DONE, PRODUCE… that allowing this quiet, still space may be one of my biggest challenges to date… frankly, I’m scared to death that I should be doing something or else…

Dammit, there’s that “or else” thing again…

and yet, I know that this is an illusion. I can’t miss my purpose because I am IN my purpose already. Today, my purpose may look like stillness; tomorrow, counseling. And not one is more holy than the other.

Jesus hung with the crowds and his peeps, performing feats and orating parables… and spent just as much time alone, quiet and contemplative.

There’s a time for doing and a time for being… and both are holy.
me, encouraging my own damn self and it’s complicated some days 😉

Fortunately, there’s the G-Butt… and she’s a good reminder and great company. And so in this very moment, all is well. With a list and without, I am accomplishing a full life just by existing. Being still. Peace-full. In gratitude, awe, wonder…

listening to the wind… sharing peanut butter by the spoonful… thankful.

Here is a short practice that you can do right now to cultivate intentional mind-body connection for the purpose of being still:

Set aside fifteen minutes. Find a comfortable spot to rest, to be quiet, to be uninterrupted. We will be practicing the art of contemplation. Find a word to focus on – maybe PEACE or STILLNESS or GRATITUDE – and allow that word to sit in your mind like an ice cube or a snowball… then imagine the sun shining down upon your head and melting the cube/ball and it dripping its way down into your heart where it moistens any dry, thirsty parts of you… and maybe you can realllllly be still and allow your physical body to speak to you. Where does your body sense this word finding its place within you? As you learn to EMBODY the knowledge you’re gleaning, your reality will shift. (This practice can be done with or without peanut butter.) 😉

Edgy, joyful, pondering…

Lisa

Modern Mystic & Life Coach

Unplug Me, Please

Almost everything will work if you unplug it for a few minutes, then plug it back in.
Husband

Keeping life simple. This is not my strongest trait but it is my Siddhi (Dharmic gift to The Collective) so it’s in me somewhere, smooshed between all my books on healing and notes on meditation, squashed among all my journals. But seriously… I have been on a journey of allowing SIMPLICITY to flourish in my life.

Simplicity: easy, straightforward, plain, clear.

Today, I have been intentional to stay in the moment because I do want to experience Peace. I know it is my destiny to say, “I live a life of simplicity. I cultivate a daily practice of clarity, ease, letting go of complexity, anxiety, competition… and this feels so good in my body. Peace-full. Dis-ease free. Whole and healthy. Quiet.”

My Gigi FurButt is a pro at this… nothing riles her up. No questions bang around in the deep end, keeping her up at night. She lives in the moment, full of joy and wonder and gratitude. At least, I’m assuming that wagging tail is a great big “thank you, mama!”

Receiving whatever the moment is offering, she carries an energy of curiosity, compassion – she is very patient with me and on my crying days, won’t leave my side – and, yes, simplicity.

Same dog food every day. Same schedule day in and day out. Few surprises. Seldom any visitors. We trek the same three paths for our poopy-peepee walks.

Nary a complaint from her. With an eagerness and a very uncomplicated countenance, she eases us into the next moment, the next step along the road, keeping her ears open for the birds’ songs or Bunbun’s puffy tail to tease her over by TallTree.

She’s teaching me a lot.

Stay. In. This. Moment.
Unplug.
Go belly-up on the couch and take a quick snooze.
Look out the window at the squirrels. They’re fascinating and bark-worthy!
Eat peanut butter. Lots and lots of peanut butter makes the belly happy.

Relax. It’s only a game.
Thich Nhat Hanh

When I first began this intentional SIMPLICITY journey, my body would rage against my slower pace, my quietness, my sitting on the couch (without even a book in hand!) No phone, no music playing, no distractions…

My mind would whisper, “how can I only be sitting here? only breathing, only contemplating a poem, only bringing awareness to my feelings, chakras, organs, only praying?” The anxiety was deep and wide… the ONLY was heavy in my body.

Only: as little as, sole, solitary, unique.

But… with practice and time, patience and self compassion, I am learning. I am allowing. And today, I have manifested a very ONLY day… quiet, solitary, slow, unique indeed. Simple.

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
Lao Tzu

I too am a part of nature and so it’s good for me to slow down, settle in, unplug… and later, or maybe not til tomorrow, I’ll plug back in.

Today has been Gia-approved. Me-approved too.

Here is a short practice that you can do right now to cultivate intentional mind-body connection for the purpose of cultivating simplicity:

Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down. Breathe deeply through your nose and out your mouth three times. Feel the breath enter through your nostrils and tickle your nose-hairs. Can you feel the breath finds its way down into your belly? Allow your belly to fill up like a balloon. Notice if there is any tension in your body as your hold the breath… and then allow that tension to be released as you exhale fully. Hold onto this word deeply into your heart: simplify.

Perhaps you would consider journaling about what SIMPLICITY and living a more simple life looks like for you. What one thing can you start to do today that would open up your heart and allow simplicity to flow? What one thing are you hanging onto that you can let go of to SIMPLIFY your energies and your daily life?

Edgy, joyful, pondering…

Lisa

Modern Mystic & Life Coach

Howling Out The Pain

Trauma is not what happens to us but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathic witness.
Peter Levine

As a Collective Consciousness, I think that we are in the throes of understanding that talking about our pain is not sufficient for healing. We must also feel into it, at the physical body place, and allow another to hold sacred space for us in the midst of the experience.

An empathic witness is one who compassionately sits with you while you are allowing your body, your mind, and your heart to invite in the visitor called Pain (in all its guises: fear, abandonment, rejection, victimhood, lack, anger, bitterness, jealousy, envy, selfishness, competition, self-loathing, self-abasement, and so forth.) Pain is there anyway, in the body and at the subconscious level, clouding our vision and directing our path. We don’t know this consciously. The initial experience was too much, too big for us to wrap our heads-hands-heart around and so we shoved it down down down into the recesses of our bodies.

And who shows up now but my emotions from six months ago…

I recall a situation in which I was triggered into self-loathing and then blame-anger-victim (a yummy cocktail indeed) but Husband was cool as Snoopy with his shades on. Snarky arrow flung and he was not bothered in the least while I felt personally pierced and seethed. Husband ambled into the next moment, just water off a duck’s back. When I dug deeper into the WHY, I realized that it wasn’t what was spoken that had hurt me – since Husband wasn’t upset, my reaction was mine alone to own – but something in me already that had reacted to the comment. I was triggered. Something outside of me poked at something already inside of me.

The pain already lodged in my body like fish hooks, piercing and painful… this is what was reacting.

The comment didn’t create my pain. Pain was already there, awaiting a trigger. And thank God for this trigger! At that point, I was able to see it and work with it. Explaining my heartache and taking ownership of my healing, I got with a good friend and allowed Pain to be… to be there, to be seen, welcomed, embraced. Without shaming, blaming, or judging, I felt It deeply and unabashedly – which was not safe to do at the initial situation – and within a few minutes, this visitor said its piece and left me in peace.

The key here is a compassionate witness, someone to hold sacred space, to sit with you as you intentionally allow whatever is in the body to be acknowledged, allowed, experienced. Finally experienced. No more shoved into the corner, told to SSSHHH, shamed or judged, and definitely not analyzed. Just plain ol’ ALLOWED TO BE THERE.

It’s a powerful thing, to feel your feelings. And empowering indeed!

Today, a friend of mine reached out to let me know that she is struggling with some childhood memories and physical pain that has been bubbling up for a few months now. Rather than try to figure out where it came from – don’t do this, please… a waste of energies and usually you’re wrong anyway – I recommended she acknowledge, allow, and rest into the experience. Open herself up to finally feel what’s been there all along… and sit with a gentle, kind witness who will hold her, remind her she’s loved and powerful, and maybe rub her feet.

The body is our greatest ally in the healing process, as it holds the wisdom and resources necessary for healing.
Peter Levine

I had this vision of her throwing her head back and howling from the core of her being, from that root chakra at her tailbone, just screaming out all the pain. Getting it out of her body, out of her heart, out of her mind, and out of her energetic field… a cleansing, carnal, animalistic roar that takes with it all the memories and emotions, thought patterns and injury.

Recovering from trauma is not about erasing the past; it is about reclaiming out power and rewriting our future.
Peter Levine

Lately I’ve been envisioning myself writing my own story, the unpacking of my life. Day to day, sentence at a time into paragraphs, chapters, books. When I awaken in the early morning, I mentally bring out the book I’ve been scripting, add a paragraph of gratitude, awe, wonder… add a sentence about miracles, divine relationships, ease of countenance… and close up the chapter with more gratitude and joy. And then I breathe deeply a few times, smile, pull my feet from under the covers, and arise, prepared to meet the day with all its ups-down-twists-turns and ALLOW it to unpack. Hand over heart, breathing, and peaceful. With an odd urge to dance….

Dance first. Think later. It’s the natural order.
Samuel Beckett

How about you? Are you open and willing to “dance first” and allow whatever emotional-physical-mental pain to show up at the party? Are you open and willing to love this sacred time with the visitor called Pain? Would you be a compassionate witness for both yourself and others on this human journey?

Here is a short practice that you can do right now to cultivate intentional mind-body connection for the purpose of healing trauma:

Find three songs that stir you right now. If possible, go outside. Bare feet on the ground, dance to these songs. Dance and allow the body to do whatever it wants. Dance like no one is watching!

(Heck, you may even find yourself down on all fours, head thrust back, mouth wide open in a good long howl. AAHH-OOOOOOOOOOOO And good on you!) 😉

Edgy, joyful, pondering…

Lisa

Modern Mystic & Life Coach

EnergieGal

A flower knows, when its butterfly will return,
and if the moon walks out, the sky will understand;
but now it hurts, to watch you leave so soon,
when I don’t know, if you will ever come back.
Sanober Khan

Saying “good-bye,” even if it may just be “good-bye for now” is proving hard. I’ve known her for nearly thirty years. Half of my life!

She just showed up one day, full of vim and vigor, ideas and grit… we were going to take the world one step at a time, pulling it into the next iteration of wellness. We started out as a fitness studio, graduated to a fitness gym complete with equipment and numerous weekly aerobics and strength classes. We added personal fitness training, then life coaching and deeper spiritual inner child healing work. We wrote books and pamphlets, created videos and cassette tapes.

Yes, cassette tapes. It has been awhile! 😉

Oh the plans we made, the research we did, the people we met, the risks we took, the hours and dollars we spent, the conversations we had, the reinvention after rebranding we some days dragged ourselves through. All in the name of Love. We wanted to spread the news of self-care, holistic perspective to thriving, embodiment through breathwork, journaling, and contemplation, and empowerment via guided meditations, inner child healing, and shadow work.

We accomplished most of this – some might even cheerlead that we did it all, left everything out there, modeled authenticity and vulnerability, and practiced a contemplative approach to arriving more deeply into the body.

It was not without many tears, restless and sleepless nights, spending last dimes, and facing every fear. Appearing on camera, learning the technicalities of posting and using equipment, navigating various social media platforms… honestly, this part sucked. As an introvert and an empath, showing up and staying is not my strongest muscle…

And yet, here I am. Showing up. Staying. Being me, with my good and bad days, up and down moods, insecurities and jealousies… inviting them in to share, be heard, held, loved, allowed to be, felt deeply, embraced even if not quite understood… and, inch by inch, this has led me to The Door… labeled “Awakening”… and now I’m venturing on.

EnergieGal was that long dark hallway leading to The Next. Immensely helpful, she showed up at just the right time in my life when I craved purpose, direction, immersion, and freedom. She offered me the opportunity to learn more about myself, disordered eating and the way through this experience via moderate exercise and balanced nutrition. She created space for me to be in relationship with others, learn to be a leader and teacher, guide and entrepreneur. We didn’t make any income but we sure had a fun time sweating among friends, grapevining in the deep end of conversations, giggling through the ridiculousness of life, hugging through the heartaches. It was a holy time and I find myself very, very grateful.

I love you more than songs can say, but I can’t keep running after yesterday…
John Mayer

Over the past four years, I have tried repeatedly to rebrand and reinvent, but it’s never fruited. Seed after seed, watering for hours, weeding, weeding, waiting… what worked yesterday, last year, a decade ago refused to bud today. Surrendering. Saying good-bye. This was her final lesson for me. Allowing failure. Sitting with this most precious of experiences: dying, death, grieving, choosing to go on.

This is how much she has loved me. She insisted on staying until I’d sucked the marrow from the bone, overturned every stone, pebble, and grain of sand. (Okay, that is dramatic and an exaggeration… but it is what it felt like, in all those thirty years… she was a relentless task-master!)

Two roads diverged in a wood… oh, that I could travel both! But I have chosen the path less traveled, and this has made all the difference.
R. Frost

I do not know if I’ll pass this way again, if I’ll pick up the mantle of EnergieGal and venture further down the road with her. I’m open to this, though doubtful that this is our destiny. Like a book that has been read a thousand times, earmarked and scribbled in the margins, well-worn and cherished, she is the truest friend ever… but my sense is that it’s time to allow her to find a new reader, someone else to take the reigns and march forth into the newest iteration of wellness for the collective.

She’s taught me well and I wish only the best for her on her new adventure…

At last, the wheel comes full circle.
Cassandra Clare

I knew that it was time to let her go when I dreamed that someone else found her and they ran wild together, creating more programs and making lots of money,.. and I was thrilled. Happy. At peace.

Venture on, EnergieGal!

You’ve changed me forever. And I’ll never forget you.
Kiera Cass

How about you? Is there some aspect of your life that has been a part of you for what seems like forever? Or have you ever had to say good-bye? Or how are you at showing up? Staying? Where do you feel any of this in your physical body?

Here is a short practice that you can do right now to cultivate “allowing”:

Close your eyes. Place both of your hands over your heart. Become aware of your breath. As you breathe in through your nose, feel the air move in and find its way down into your belly. If you can, hold your breath gently for a few seconds, then slowly allow the breath to leave through your nose or your mouth. What a sacred practice, this mindful breathing! The start to an empowered relationship between you and your physical body. To life! To living! To showing up! To staying! To awakening!

Edgy, joyful, pondering…

Lisa

Modern Mystic & Life Coach

Contentment is…

Woof, bark, yip-yappety, arf!
Gia, translated thus: Contentment is a whatever’s left in the peanut butter jar.

Long ago, I read a book by Byron Katie called LOVING WHAT IS. She is an amazing guide and I gleaned tremendously. Her wisdom ran a mile deep. Luckily, I have tall boots and could stay awhile, float in the depths of her stories, and swim madly in wave after wave.

When I am perfectly clear, what is is what I want.
Byron Katie

WHAT IS… is what I want. Sounds like contentment to me. That whatever is, whoever is, however is… is happening right on time, just as it is meant to be. It’s when I release controlling and thinking I have to manage and strategize, manipulate and figure out — exhausting — WHEN I LET GO, when I allow… when I throw my arms side to side, heart wide open, mouth full of gratitude… THIS is when contentment settles into me, into my space.

Whatever is happening right now is the best thing that could be happening!
me, and let me tell you that this is uncomfortable business but big time rewarding

This is when I not only experience “enough” and contentment, but when I BECOME that, when I EMBODY contentment. Contentment as a frequency in my physical body, and not just a thought, concept, or good idea.

I AM CONTENTMENT and therefore I experience contentment.

What happened was the best thing that could have happened.
Byron Katie

We want things to make sense. We’ve been taught, programmed even, to believe that we should be able to make logical sense of everything happening. Thinking that we are entitled to controlling how things turn out and how we feel — which, come on, we always want to feel comfortable — we manage and think three steps ahead, feeling victimized and helpless if we don’t get the best tickets, that car, a better house, the other to acknowledge our worthiness. We fear fear fear so much! People aren’t supposed to die (yes, they are) and we’re not supposed to feel so sad (there are seasons when this is exactly our fate) and we’re entitled to having every dream come into reality (I actually don’t think so, sweet soul. I know, hard to hear.)

The best thing that one can do when it is raining is let it rain.
H. W. Longfellow

We’re here in a human body to experience, er, being human… in all its messiness and heartache, misunderstandings and what-the-fucks. Life doesn’t make sense oftentimes. And yet. This is life.

Being content is not the same thing as being happy. It’s more like being grateful for what is and not trying to change things.
my friend Joel, who passed at age 63 full of contentment

What a gift, then, is this CONTENTMENT frequency. To be at ease in the heart, in the mind, and in the body with WHAT IS… which doesn’t mean you don’t ever want for anything else… but that you receive and allow for what is with an open heart and gentle spirit.

For just one second, look at your life and see how perfect it is. Stop looking for the next secret door that is going to lead you to your real life. Stop waiting. This is it: there’s nothing else. It’s here, and you’d better decide to enjoy it or you’re going to be miserable wherever you go, for the rest of your life, forever.
Lev Grossman, The Magicians

As an aside, I think you can be content and grieve simultaneously. It may be one of those things in life that just doesn’t make sense. And yet. This is life.

If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.
The Wizard of Oz

This has been a learned practice for me, and one which I am still a second-grader most days if I’m being honest. Contentment does not come naturally and some days not easily for me. I am that always-reaching-always-more-always-digging kid… but many days, it’s digging in the manure pile for the pony so there’s that. I am, after all this time, maturing, growing, allowing, surrendering, thanking.

Just tell yourself, Duckie, you’re really quite lucky.
Dr. Seuss

Content. With what is. No more, no less. Here, now.

These aren’t platitudes. Those suck big donkey balls and bare no fruit by harvest, so great ideas and nicie-nice hopefuls is not what I’m suggesting here. Nope. That would be cruel and a waste of time.

What I am saying is, with a practice of gratitude and intention, we can allow energies of lack and victimhood, entitlement and fear to be dislodged, felt, and moved through our bodies… giving rise to peace, love, joy, contentment.

Loving what is… contentment.

How about you? Can you feel this contentment frequency into your body? What does this feel like in you? What does being content mean to you right now? How would we all benefit from allowing “this much” to be ENOUGH and be content with what is?

Here is a short practice you can do right now to allow CONTENTMENT:

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and smile. Roll your shoulders around a few times, hug your arms deeply then open them up widely side-to-side. Lift your chin. Speak: I AM I AM I AM. Imagine a large tree full of leaves, laden heavy with an array of gorgeous colors. Notice them for as long as you want.

Edgy, joyful, pondering…

Lisa

If you like these ponderings, please check out my 30-day journals. They’re just perfect for someone like you. 🙂 Downloadable pdfs on a variety of topics. Sure to encourage, inspire, motivate, and create meaningful ponderings. ❤